I was feeling a little despondent the other day, unhappy that my writings in this blog haven't attracted much of a following. I found myself unloading on two of my daughters, reacting with more emotion than I’d expected.
Lack of readership was making me second guess the value of even writing my blog. Second guessing my motivation for writing the blog made me less able to write in a meaningful way. Allowing self-doubt to hinder my ability to write made me more susceptible to the pessimistic view that no one would care about what I write.
Clearly, I wasn’t in a good place from which I could produce inspirational non-fiction.
I hadn't realized that my 4-yr-old grand-daughter, Mattie-Belle, had been listening to the conversation and witnessing my inner turmoil from the other room. Unexpectedly, this little girl wriggled between me and a hassock, leaned in close and emphatically said, "Grama, remember” … “You get what you get and you don't get upset."
Mattie-Belle was repeating a saying she'd learned in Kindergarten; something they repeat in unison, I suppose to discourage unhealthy envy and competition. In her own spirited way, Mattie-Belle not only remembered the phrase, she imparted it to me in proper context.
Mattie-Belle’s serious philosophic delivery made me smile: It also made me reflect.
I started writing this blog because I love to write, or so I thought. Lack of interest in my writings, though, has made me realize that I long for recognition that I possess a little natural talent for the craft. I also recognize that I dream of a career in writing, although I know that blogging may not prove to be the path that leads me to that goal.
Blogging may not ultimately provide me the validation I seem to crave; however, it will allow me to continue developing my style as a writer, as I’d hoped. Blogging also allows me to sort through my thoughts and feelings about topics that affect my life and boggle my brain.
Thanks to the wisdom of a little girl and her positive philosophy, I will continue to blog on. These ramblings of mine may never open the door to a meaningful career as a successful writer, but at least I’ll be leaving something of myself that was meaningful to me.
